Second Wind

Holly Sharpe drawing, Lemony Snicket quote, kitty pattern, Refinery 29 hairstyle

I've been itching to do something. I keep hoping that school will suddenly blossom me into some phenomenal artist but I'm starting to realize that's not going to happen. My time ought to be spent bettering myself outside of class. That's what I've been doing all my life anyhow! I've been going to school for as long as I can remember but the only time I really do any learning is when I teach myself. When I explain this to others I always refer back to my first bicycle lesson without training wheels. I can't remember how long my dad spent trying to push me along the street...it didn't matter, I fell over every time. I worked at it on my own later and before long I was cruising like the best of 'em. That's just how it worked. If I wanted to learn something new I would make it happen by myself. The internet has been the greatest provider of free information!

What I realize is I need to go out and do. I can't sit idly by while my time at school dwindles down and expect to be ready for whatever pile of crap awaits me post-graduation. Just going to school will not be enough. I need to take it upon myself to learn what I'll need to know for this field. I already have a pretty good start- I've been designing since I was in middle school! I have always been criticized for spending too much time on the computer, especially when I was younger, but little did they know I was giving myself a head-start for what was to come (thank you, Neopets).

My only regret was not committing myself 100%. My life is plagued by doubts, and at a time when I should have stood my ground the most I faltered. With the economy, and the struggles my dad went through with work I was terrified. I didn't want that to happen to me so I tossed all desires to go into the arts. I wanted something stable, something reliable that would keep me from ever going hungry or not being able to support myself. I convinced myself that I wanted to go into the medical field and after wasting 2-3 years of my life on that idea I hit a wall. My plan was all there, but the desire wasn't. I didn't want it bad enough. The amount of time and effort didn't seem worth it at all and there was no way I was going to make it through the endless tests and applications. Fast-forward to now and I am a several years deep into my education. There has been so much stress and frustration throughout and I just know that it could have all been avoided if I'd stayed honest with myself. My dad and I were talking once about what I should do for the rest of my life and one of his best pieces of advice from his own dad was to do what you love, and the money will come. I may not have the fancy clothes or get to eat anything over $5 for a long time but it sure beats waking up in the morning and dreading the work I'll have to do for the rest of my life.

I can't wait to create.